memory

i dont know where to begin and these wont really be in any kind of order but... i remember when i first saw you at verto, the group convo with osama about anime cons, that you've regularly went to animethon and cosplayed Jinx from arcane. i rmbr when u complimented my bags keychain, and one of our first convos abt VNs, art, vkei - i specifically remember u telling me abt Obey Me and jumping excitedly, then i mentioned how i know abt jirai kei. i rmbr me taking my phone out to search up obey me and u told me u cosplayed as one of the chars.

damn im realizing if i list every specific moment in detail this will be lengthy, i rmbr asking u if u had tiktok and how u were embarassed about selfshipping, when we first walked together and we talked a bunch about many various things. how you've done dance for a decade, how you make your own clothes, your video editing skills, cosplay creativity, your collection of plushies figures and posters, your love for alt fashion, how your favourite color is pink & black but you don't think you look good in pink, i feel purple is also your favourite color

when we talked about D&D and got so excited abt it, when we talked abt dating & relationship history, , when we talked abt religion/spirituality and the conviction involved in those beliefs, i remember that u have smth like photographic memory? ur memories really good when u visually see smth, i rmbr how u had a huge commission but idr the full amt like $500?, i rmbr when u drew the art of us w/ me exclaiming "I LOVE MY WIFE" and u were so embarassed

that you're a great cook and u love salad, i remember a moment in verto where you said "theres so much love in my heart" and i want that love, i rmbr when we first ate together at mcdonalds, when we started getting lunch together regularly at verto, i rmbr when we sat together at verto and saw ur drawings and how good they were, i rmbr how u've told me ur a very open person and answer questions honestly

i rmbr the talk about values at verto and how moral u are, i rmbr how u tried to communicate more with me cuz of how i value communication, i rmbr u saying u dont expect ppl to be loyal to u but baby i am a fuckin' dog for you. when u talked abt lilly & that u 2 joke that ur soulmates, when we bussed together and talked sm abt games, horror movies, ur past fame on wattpad/tumblr/youtube, the interests ppl would think are "cringe".

how persona is ur favourite game series and yusuke is ur fav, when u yapped passionately abt Seventeen and i rmbr that one guy so ugly ppl dont care he went on a date, i remember when i started to take notes on things you'd say so i could remember them better (most of these things on this page are from pure memory tho, i've been slacking on noting things down), i rmbr ur fav ice cream flavor is strawberry cheesecake, i rmbr how quickly you learned the CPR things and executed them very well on ur first try (thats when i learned how smart and quickly u learn), i rmbr bantering with u and u telling me to shut up and i'd listen,

i rmbr ur fav kpop groups; red velvet, eyelit, ATEEZ, seventeen, big bang - how Hoshi is ur fav idol of all time, i rmbr when we played rhythm games in verto on ur phone, muse dash and ensemble stars (i think), when we started bussing home regularly, when u dyed ur hair purple and everyone at verto loved it, i rmbr how my fav outfits of urs, at first it was the dress shirt + ur glasses, then it was ur shorts+leggings combo, then currently its the exposed shoulder outfit you wore, but honestly u wearing the leather jacket looks so good that it might be a new fav...

i rmbr when u made an outfit inspired by misa and a nana inspired outfit, when u'd ask me my thoughts on what to wear or what color to dye ur hair, i love those small inclusions, when u got into uma and vodka was ur shayla but then it changed to air shakur, when u excitedly showed me curren chan, when u got wedding maya in 1 10pull, i remember talking about flowers/roses and u haven't been given any ever - while i can't fix that due to situations, i hope u can pretend the flower pics on this site are me giving u flowers, they're for you!

i remember how you love the stars and can identify constellations easily, i rmbr us being out at night and u pointing to the stars i think there was the big dipper or little dipper? i remember how ur a big fan of slushynoobz i rmbr all the "firsts" with u, holdin hands/kiss/coming to my place/meetin my mom&sis, i rmbr how ur fav season is fall, fav pokemon is absol & espeon, sushi is fav food, shrimp is fav seafood, how u love the deep sea/ocean and squids, bounty is ur fav candy/chocolate

pumpkin night is ur fav manga, tokyo ghoul is ur fav anime, ur love for vkei rock, breakcore, kpop, sick2 is ur fav vkei band but u also love malice mizer, how u'd yap to me abt mana sama and i rmbr Ma Cherie being ur fav malice mizer song, how i learned u've read saya no uta, subahibi, totono, gnosia, DDLC & other vns that i like, how ur also into rpgmaker horror games, i rmbr u cant eat olives, hummus and meatballs, i rmbr us talking abt sakura from naruto and how it feels shes underrated and sabotaged by writers ppl be hating on her for no reason, i rmbr ur love for TOP and squid game and u telling me lore abt TOP

i rmbr korekiyo is ur fav dgrp char but u like nagito & toko too, ur love for my melody, when we had matching pyra/mythra keychains but unfortunately u lost urs, how u used to be pretty into IDV, i rmbr when we played Ink game on roblox a bunch and when we played block tales (we still gotta finish it), i rmbr when u drew ur roblox OC , i rmbr ur interest in vtubers, i remember how u were top 500 widow on OW and how ur incredible at rhythm games, i rmbr that u've played dark souls and elden ring and that excites me. i remember things about ur OCs Red, Khu, Hotaru, i rmbr how u love the mic dude from MHA a bunch and i think that was one of the first DRs i learned abt, i rmbr u and lillys spiderman OCs and also ur uma OC, i rmbr how you told me ur fantasy element would be water and u'd like to use guns/snipers

i rmbr small intimate moments, resting my head on ur lap while watching crime docs, u hugging me from behind and biting me, when u'd fall asleep on the bus and lay ur head on my shoulder, when we'd snuggle watching uma on the couch and when we watched smile 2, i rmbr moments when we'd be at wem, when we were at hot topic and u excitedly pointed out death note stuff, when we looked at belts , i rmbr when we went shopping for ur new boots or heels at ardenes cuz the old ones fell apart, when you started to call mcdonalds "mcdodos" cuz of me, when we'd go to kawaii alley together and u'd yap abt albums, when we went to minisou together

when we went to makers together, i rmbr when u'd yap abt work and how slow it is on weekends and the teenagers are usually on - i love hearing u talk a lot, i rmbr whenever u'd want me to talk more abt work or smth ud like hit my shoulder and repeat "how was work??", i rmbr how u splay ur hands downwards while walking when ur in a good mood and it looked cute, i rmbr when i gave u some fidget rings from jaydon but they were kinda big for ur fingers , i rmbr the times u'd visit me at uniqlo by surprise and i'd get surprised but so excited, when you got a my melody surprise box and we both manifested u'd get what u want and u got it

i rmbr the ways you'd look at me and make cringe faces or when you'd look at me lovingly, i rmbr how when we found out you got hired for tims at verto you were sooo excited and shaking me and i helped you write an email response, i remember how ur a fan of monster energy drinks, i remember that u collect lighters, i remember that u played huniepop on lillys laptop , i rmbr that ur a big marvel and DC fan (not 100% sure on the DC part), i rmbr how much of a nerd u are in general and ur knowledge is so impressive, i rmbr how u've researched computer stuff in anticipation for when u can finally have one. i rmbr a tiktok repost about "hoping someone will see roses bloom when they look at me" and i hope u know i do

i rmbr seeing ur small increases in confidence and expressing urself, i rmbr ur fun times with lilly, ashley, ethan/elijah and other friends who care abt u, i rmbr how u'd talk abt ur brothers and when u'd visit them and how fond of them u are, i rmbr ur graphic design prowess w/ that one verto thing and i liked how u framed images and stuff, ur also great at character design and creative stuff in general, i rmbr liking how u designed ur carrd and i rmbr a funny moment between us abt the blackwasher thing i know how moral u are, when we talked abt values and how important it is to always believe the victim first, i rmbr how non-judging you are and how comfortable you'd make me feel, i rmbr times you'd be vulnerable with me abt ur feelings and past and confide in me - i appreciate all that so much but i still lament and regret the times i've mishandled some of those moments - i'm deeply sorry.

i rmbr how much u value friends (especially lilly) and it's always so lovely to see ur guys friendship, i rmbr u telling me on voice message a story involving u two at a con, i rmbr the moments of banter between us irl when u'd point at smth ugly and say its me, i rmbr how hard u laughed at verto when osama was like "ive never had a family to do thi swith" or smth like that ngl im laughing thinking back to it, ur love for leg warmers, i rmbr ur shifting and DRs, i rmbr lilly texting you abt how she bought a set of smth (idr what) u two could build together and i learned that u love those kinda things,

i rmbr how much u trust me, how u've grown & changed over these months, when u first started going to nick for therapy and how he completely analyzed u from the first session, i rmbr how interested u are in hazbin hotel, stranger things, gachiakuta, how u love the old 90s web stuff and older animes too (ur very cultured), and i STILL have an album of ur pictures u've sent me and i continue to update it, i know how non-chalant u are but how deeply caring u can be inside. i rmbr how u thought i would've hated how you were before i met you, and i remember how much effort you've put into changing and growing out of how you used to be.

i remember a lot and i'm sorry this must be exhausting to read (and its in no logical order), i have to stop or else i'll never finish this site what i want to make clear is; i love you and care about you and i am INTERESTED in you. the things you say, do, and like, i genuinely want to hear about you are remembered, you are loved, you are cherished, you are important to me. and truthfully? theres SOOOO many things i don't know about you still, i may remember all this but i bet it barely covers the surface of things you know, are into, believe, etc. i want to keep learning about you, please let me stay curious about you forever - i've said things like "you can never truly understand another person because you aren't them" but i want to try my best to understand you as much as i can, i want to know you as best as i can. i'll always love it when you tell me things about yourself, share things with me, teach me things about you. and, i'm sorry for times i've acted in ways that make it seem like i'm not remembering/considering the things i know about you - i'm going to really try to be better, the last page of this site is focused on that